Choices

The other day I almost ended up in a hospital bed. And that idea does not please me at all, cause I hate hospitals. No offense I give all those who work in the space all the respect known to man.

Sometimes I have a habit of making the worst choices in life, demonstrated in at least 90% of my regretable experiences in life. I choose to not go into detail about them cause I choose to not remember them in any significant detail unless I cant help it.

But anyway the point of this point is to say, sometimes I wanna cry because my life is a mess and that’s usually because I made a choice to make it so. For example I’ve spent the last 2 months procrastinating and now I have so much work I need to do my head is about to explode yet I’m sitting here writing about my emotions and choices instead of writing about autothermal reforming or doing heat integration or any other things which is remotely relavent to my design report. But ya this is a choice too, one I’ll probably regret later or one which will lead to yet another horrible horrible experience in my life:(

So ngaphandle kokuratharatha heres a poem about choices

Sleep, wake up, bath, eat

Sleep, read, write, sing

Choices, choices, choices

There’s so much in this world that’s out of my control

Yet the choices I make affect those things

They affect the way in which I experience them

I did not choose to scream I don’t wanna do this

To scream leave me the hell alone

To scream don’t try to wear me down cause I do not have the strength to tell you to fuck off more than a couple dozen times

That I would rather shut up and let you take what you want peacefully than run the rink of getting yet more scars to moun about when I’m alone

I told you once how he made me feel by assuming an enclosed space alone meant concent, and you laughed and asked what I had thought was gonna happen.

I guess I should have known you were no better, and I guess I should have learnt long ago not to make the same mistake repeatedly. Expecially this one.

Expecially since I’ve been proven time and again that you too will be like him as he was as the one who came before him.

So I’m gonna make a different choice now, I’m gonna choose to not give the next you a chance while praying to God there is someone out there who is not another you. But then again if I give no more chances how will I ever find out if he is?